Its 1 in the morning...

and I get the text from another gay friend of mine , Ryan. We've known each other for about 3 years now. We have had sex a few times but nothing serious. He often calls to tell me about it disastrous dates.


Anyway


the text says "What are you doing? :)"
of course I know exactly what that's about.


Lmao,  at this very moment, I got a text that says "Come do me" from Andy. 
It must be that time of the year. 


Back to Ryan, I text him back to the tune of "not much. playin call of duty. wats up"
Response was "I need your cock!"


Hahah gay guys crack me up. I already know I shouldn't because I'm pursuing Josh at the moment. 


Truth is... I still might give it to him. Is that wrong? Damn this libido. 


(*Pk*)

Gotta Cool the Jets...

After talking for about a month. I finally met this guy in person. Lets call him Josh. hah. I drove to his house about 15 minutes down the road two nights ago. He had just got back from his friends house and I could smell the alcohol on his breath. No biggie to me. I was way more impressed at his physical stature. Strong body and such a handsome face. A man's man kind of guy. Since I haven't had sex in a while, I would have liked to jump his bones but I played it cool. We had small talk and got to know each other a little bit.


After a while


We were cuddling and watching a movie on the couch. Josh got up and sat on my lap and looked at me. He smiled and I smiled back. He said he could hear how fast my heart was beating. He said that he couldn't have sex on the first date. Just a rule of his.


And I don't know why


But I think that was very attractive. Well last night I went back to see him again.


Well we layed on the couch and cuddled. His hands were all over me and I just could not keep my erection under control. He felt it and laughed. I'm like... I'm sorry, just got a excited. He got up and sat on my lap again. But this time he leaned over and kissed me. We got up and walked into his room and closed the door so his dang wouldn't try to jump in haha.
He spent some time kissing as a groped his entire body as he lay on top of me. The weight of another man feels so great to me. My hand made my way to his dick. I won't lie.... it was impressive. He wasn't even all the way hard. I worked his shorts off and then took my own off before I sat on his lap and kissed him some more.
He took my shirt off and I took off his. I sat up and just felt his chest and looked at his body. We kissed some more before he rolled me over and held me real tight. He was so warm and my erection was raging. He kissed my chest and made his way to my dick. He sucked on it for a while. Swallowing it whole which isn't exactly easy. He stopped to kiss me some more.


He layed down next to me and I looked at him. He sighed so I asked him what he was thinking about. He said "I'm sorry but we can't go too far tonight."
Not gonna lie, I was disappointed but... I'm pretty sure he did the right thing. hah I'm looking forward to any time I manage to get with him.


(*Pk*)

"Ok We Ballin, Ballin Until We Fallin"

So I play basketball. Been playing since I was 4 years old. Played in high school and got a scholarship to play at a Division 2 college. I was at that college for a year and then came back home this summer. Well my grades were not the best. I spent too much time party and dating. And also with my parents finding out I was gay (and then un-finding out), I decided to stay home a year before returning to college and playing basketball. My coach was totally cool about my decision and told me he would save my spot on the team.

And of course

No one I've played on a team with knows I'm gay. Although was some speculation at college because I chose to be a little less subtle. My mindset was that... you know... its college. I can do what I damn well please.

Just sharing a bit about myself. So that maybe you can understand me and where I'm coming from with some of my future post.

Out of the closet. And Right back in...

So for those of you interested in my "coming out" story... well its an interesting situation.

I'll start off by saying that my parents are quite religious. I mean... they don't throw the bible at every passing person but... they are strong believers. So obviously, I didn't want to tell them because they would just say that I was headed to hell and cry and so on. 

My parents and I are also very close to each other. My homosexuality is the really the only thing I held from them. So they know that I've had sex with girls which of course leads them to believe I'm straight. 

I'm sorry... did i say coming out story? I meant forcing out. 

Hah well I made a horrible decision. I had sex with my friend, Blu at my parents house. Blu and I had been talking for a while and I was into him and it was just sorta spur of the moment. Well things got heavy (maybe ill share that story next time). My mom RANDOMLY wakes up at 2 in the morning and is walking about the house and overheard the sex noises. 

Here's the kicker.

She calls my phone and when I saw her number pop up on my phone... I knew what was going to happen. I went to her room and she is just looking at me. Looking at me with the most disappointing eyes. It was tough. A few beats later she says "Do you think you're gay?" Well I paused and started to lie but I was like... fuck it, I'm obviously caught. 

"Yes I'm gay."

My dad's attention was immediately captured. It was odd hearing those words coming out of my mouth. I wondered what it sounded like to them. 

It was an intense moment. My mom left the room and told Blu to leave. My parents and I spent the next 3 hours talking about... when did i find out i was gay, how long have i been having sex with guys, have i tried not being gay, and how its a sin. Mom even went on to say I'm dying a spiritual death. Dad couldn't even talk.

Well some time passed... my mom asked me "how do you feel?"

"About what?"

"The whole gay thing"

"Oh its fine, I haven't really thought about it"

She went on to say that she felt God was delivering me from my homosexuality. I pretty much assured her it was all good. At this point, life is back to normal. My parents don't think I'm gay and I have to lie about what I'm doing when I go on dates.

Hah I didnt know I'd be able to go hiding in the closet again but I pulled it off.

Guess I turned the impossible possible. 

(*Pk*)

Who the fuck are you?

Well, I don't plan on revealing my name. You can me Pk though. I'm 19 years old and living with the parents for another year. I'm a young man dealing with the conflicting forces that touch my life. I know that no one will read this and if they do, I won't have to be dealing with judgements. So I made this blog to vent. I a church musican, as well as a college athelete. I'm also gay. Obviously most people dont know I'm gay so I don't have people to talk to my problems about. Maybe this blog will help you or maybe it will help you help me. Here we go...